Recreating the Crime Scene
by lilacbird
Summary: Ino suddenly got an idea. A deliciously naughty idea. She'd be very unpopular with a certain two people for a time, but hey, a girl's got to have a little fun once in a while! NaruSaku, AU, oneshot!


It was eight thirty PM, and Yamanaka Ino, Forensic Scientist Extraordinaire, was bored

It was eight thirty PM, and Yamanaka Ino, Forensic Scientist Extraordinaire, was bored. The pathologic section of the investigation had ground to a halt- simply no new evidence was coming in for her to examine. True, the case had only came to light that morning, but Ino was typically impatient.

The case involved the murder of a young couple, whose decaying corpses had been found in an unused apartment; still clinging to each other, half-naked, in a wave of fiery passion. It looked like they had been dead for some time, and smell of rotting flesh had alerted the neighbours. Death was due to a single bullet. Considering the ballistic marking, Ino concluded that it was probably from a 45-caliber gun- a very large and dangerous model. It entered the man's chest, travelled through his body and, from the look of things, pierced through the woman when it exited. Ino had been examining the bodies and testing DNA samples all day, and she was bored.

Tapping her pen against her clipboard, she sighed. Murder investigations were so depressing. She looked through the glass window from the forensics lab to see her best friend Haruno Sakura, Ace Detective, sitting at her desk, clicking through the files on her computer. She looked just as bored as Ino, yawning and propping up her chin with her elbow.

When it came to investigations, Sakura was the best in the business. Her sharp green eyes could spot clues overlooked by even the most skilled detectives. She always absorbed herself completely in her case, and would not rest until it was resolved once and for all. Together, she and Ino made a great team. They solved crimes before the reports could even be filed, and were famous throughout the police offices.

Draped across a spinning chair at the other side of Sakura's office, trying- and failing- to balance a pen on his nose, was Recruit Uzumaki Naruto. He was also famous around the police offices, but for the wrong reasons. He was widely known for his craziness. He was always the first one onto and the last one out of danger. He lived for the pure thrill of the chase, the sheer rush of adrenalin he got whenever he found himself staring down the barrel of a loaded pistol.

He was also, much to Ino's amusement, hopelessly heed-over-heels in love with Sakura. Despite his cocky attitude and egotistical nature, he was always reduced to a blushing, incoherent mess in front of Sakura. Sakura openly displayed her annoyance, but that didn't put Naruto off at all. Needless to say, he wasn't one to give up easily. Ino couldn't help being a little jealous. It wasn't that she liked Naruto, it was just that she was a woman, and what woman doesn't like a bit of attention from men once in a while?

She often asked Sakura if she would ever consider giving Naruto a chance, but Sakura would always huff and puff and refuse to answer. It was such a shame too- Ino thought they would make such a cute couple. Sure, they would rip each other's throats out, but…

Ino suddenly got an idea. A deliciously naughty idea. She'd be very unpopular with a certain two people for a while, but hey, a girl's got to have a little fun once in a while! Inwardly sniggering gleefully, she plastered on a fake, sweet smile and opened the door to Sakura's office. Leaning in, she innocently asked:

"Would you two mind helping me recreate the crime scene?"

Sakura shrugged "Okay."

The three made their way into the large empty room reserved for recreational purposes. Reading from her clipboard, Ino announced:

"The bodies of a young couple, one male, one female, where discovered slumped against the right hand wall of an unused apartment in the Kohona district…" She thought for a bit "From what the team has deduced, we believe they were shot up against the right wall. The bullet hit the man in the back, travelled through his body, and hit the woman in the chest, where it became lodged in her body."

"Yeah, yeah, we already know this." Naruto sighed impatiently "We were the ones investigating."

Ino glared stonily at him and he fell silent.

"So, you two are the victims, I'm the murderer." Ino decided "So you're against the wall making passionate love, and-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Cried Naruto suddenly "Slow down, woman!"

"Oh, come on, don't be so childish. It's not like you'll _really _be doing it." Said Ino exasperatedly.

"Y-Yeah, but…"

"So, you two, against the wall!" Ino ordered.

Sakura scowled at her friend, but did as she was told. Naruto followed her, biting his lip. Leaning against the wall, Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Let's get it over with, then…" She muttered.

"Uh, okay…" Naruto moved towards Sakura, but Ino stopped him.

"Wait!" She said "Just one thing first! Mess your hair up."

Naruto and Sakura glanced at each other unsurely, before doing what they had been asked.

"Good! Now, Naruto…"

Ino grabbed Naruto's arm and pulled him back. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Ino, what are you- h-hey!" He cried in shock as Ino began to take his jacket off "What are you doing?!"

"I always like my crime scenes to be as accurate as possible." Ino explained, grinning mischievously, as devilish spark in her eye.

"Y-yeah, b-but..." Naruto spluttered incoherently as Ino threw his jacket aside and began to pull his T-shirt over his head.

"Hey!" He cried in protest, trying desperately to pull his T-shirt back down, Ino laughing sadistically. She knew Naruto- he would never hit a woman. He endured all Sakura's verbal and physical attacks with a big grin on his face.

"Okay!" Said Ino triumphantly, tossing Naruto's T-shirt over her head. "Right…" She said decisively, rubbing her hands together. She gave a small nod- and began attacking Naruto's belt.

"Ahh!" Naruto cried, his already bright red face burning even redder "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Oh, come on! You can't do it properly with it in there!" Ino yelled back.

Sakura, who had been watching the whole scene, was by now in fits of hysterical laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Laugh all you want, forehead, you're next!" Cried Ino gleefully, both she and Naruto still fighting with the belt. Poor Naruto's face was so red by now he looked like he would burst into flames any second.

"I'm leaving then!" Sakura said quickly, about to run away. Ino pounced on her and dragged her back.

"Not so fast!" She cried, trying to undo the buttons on Sakura's blouse.

Naruto, seizing his chance, tried to sneak away. This time it was Sakura who stopped him.

"You bastard, don't you dare leave me with her!" She screamed furiously.

"Yeah, get back here!" Ino shouted through her laughter. She grabbed him and threw him against Sakura.

"Eek! Naruto, get off me!" Sakura shrieked, blushing.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Cried Naruto, unable to move away because Ino was still behind him, pushing him towards Sakura.

"You can't leave yet. Did you forget we've still got the crime scene to do?" Ino sighed "And Naruto, stop trying to cover yourself, it isn't working. You're just lucky I let you keep your trousers!"

Naruto glared at her, his arms hugging around his bare chest.

"Okay, now that we're pretty much ready, let's get into position." Said Ino, nodding firmly "Sakura, you're against the wall… Yeah, you're already there… Naruto, you're having sex with her."

"WHAT?!" Naruto screamed, his voice going up a whole octave, his eyes practically popping out of his head.

"You know what I mean." Said Ino "Now, positions, people!" She added like a film director.

Naruto grumbled to himself, shuffling awkwardly over to Sakura.

"Just get a little closer together." Ino ordered, pushing him closer. Walking a small distance away, she formed her hands into a makeshift gun and pointed it at them. "Right, I'm the murderer, and… Oh, come on!" She put her hands on her hips.

"Wh-what?" Naruto stuttered. Sakura was now at a complete loss for words.

"You're lovers! Put a little more _passion _into it!" Ino said encouragingly.

"Uh…"

"Oh, for God's sake!" Ino said, marching back over to the awkward couple. "Do I have to do _everything _around here?"

"Look," She said "Like this."

She moved Sakura's hands, one to the back of Naruto's neck and the other to his backside, delighting in Naruto's audible gasp.

"I-I-Ino! You pig!" Sakura snapped angrily at her, her cheeks bright pink.

"Oh, shut up." Ino dismissed Sakura's insults without a second glance, moving on to Naruto's hands. After a moments thought, she placed one at Sakura's cheek and the other at her hip. Naruto was now convinced the whole incident was a crazy dream, and too baffled to even try to stop her.

"There! Lovely!" Said Ino, clapping her hands. "Um, Sakura, could you just put your leg up-"

"No. Damn. Way." Sakura hissed viciously "Now can we _please _get this over with?"

"Of course! Now if you could just kiss him…"

"What!?" Cried Sakura incredulously.

"Just one little peck on the lips! It's not too much to ask!" Said Ino pleadingly "Right, Naruto?"

"Ah… Uh… Wha… Uh, erm… Ah…"

"I knew you'd agree!" Ino smiled gratefully "Please, you two?"

Sakura sighed.

"All right. _Fine._ We've already gone this far, why not go further?" She said sarcastically.

"Yay!" Ino jumped up and down, her eyes shining, clapping her hands like a little kid.

"But _no tongues." _Sakura said firmly.

"Aww… Yes, Sakura-san…" Said Ino teasingly, putting on a silly lisping baby voice "Ready, Naruto?"

"Uh, wha-? I, uh…" Naruto blinked, as if only just coming to his senses.

"He's ready." She interrupted.

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"The things I do to keep you happy…" She muttered, and she stood on her toes and pressed her lips against Naruto's.

Naruto's eyes widened. Okay, now he knew he was dreaming. Was Sakura actually…. _Kissing him?_

Sakura herself was quite surprised. This, she found, wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. It was quite nice, actually. Kissing Naruto. It was odd, she'd expected his lips to be dry and chapped, like the skin of some retile; but they weren't. They were soft. Before she knew what she was doing, her arms had moved to wrap around him.

Naruto felt his eyes closing automatically, and he returned her embrace, his hands stroking through her pink hair. Her cheek felt hot beneath his palm, and so did his. They were both burning up together in some sort of amazing spontaneous combustion.

Behind them, they heard a click. They stopped kissing and turned their heads, to see Ino pointing her camera cell phone at them and grinning all over her face.

"Ino, you bitch, you tricked us!" Sakura yelled, outraged.

"Oh, this is _perfect!_ I'm going to print off one hundred copies the size of a window pane and send them out to all the team!" Ino laughed, waving the phone at them.

"I hate you." Sakura snarled as Ino skipped innocently out of the room. Poking her head back around the door she winked and said:

"Make that _two _hundred!"

--

**Probably the most 'grown-up' fic I've ever wrote, but then I had a very sheltered childhood. I love this couple!**


End file.
